Research shows that family support and gender-affirming care are two of the biggest factors that can improve mental health outcomes in trans and nonbinary (TNB) youth. What if you want to show up for your child experiencing gender dysphoria but don’t know how?
It may seem intuitive to find an LGBTQ+ mental health specialist for your child to talk to. What support is available to parents?
Working with a mental health specialist is one of the best things parents of TNB children can do for themselves and their families. Read on to learn how therapy can help.
Managing Doubt and Protecting the Parent Relationship
You may have considerable doubt as to whether your child’s expressions of gender dysphoria really indicate they are transgender. You may wonder if culture or friends have impacted their view of themselves and worry that moving too fast will only consolidate a misguided identity.
At the same time, you may fear that your reservations may harm your relationship with your child or damage their mental health. You may hesitate to talk with others about your concerns for fear that you may be judged or seen as unloving and unsupportive.
Wanting what is best for your child is natural as a parent. Managing doubt as to what is in your child’s best interest may be an important aspect of your parenting experience if your child is expressing gender dysphoria. You deserve a non-judgmental space to sort through your feelings and come to decisions that feel right. Seeking out therapists who aim to support your child and family in this process is important.
Working Through Grief While Supporting Your Child
Perhaps you’ve always told yourself that if your child ever expressed any feelings of gender dysphoria, you’d be there to support them. Maybe you even saw the signs before they talked to you directly about them. Now that the day has come, why do you still feel like you’re grieving?
It’s not uncommon for parents of TNB youth to feel grief for who they thought their child was. Society attaches a great deal of emphasis on gender and you may be surprised at how much your sense of your child’s identity was tied to the gender they were assigned at birth.
It’s important to have the space to navigate these feelings. Therapy is a great space to do so without putting pressure on your child to carry or protect your emotions. This can also prevent your child from forming the belief that their gender dysphoria is disappointing or harming you.
Processing Fears You Have for Your TNB Child
Gender dysphoria doesn’t inherently lead to worse mental health outcomes, particularly when met with familial and medical support. That said, there are other factors that can lead to depression, anxiety, or suicidal feelings in trans and non-binary youth. These include (but are not limited to):
- Bullying
- Discrimination
- Misgendering in school, work, or social settings
- Anti-LGBTQ+ policies
It’s natural for parents to fear for their child with gender dysphoria. You want to protect them from the harm the world can cause, and TNB people can and do face risks that cisgender people don’t.
An informed therapist can help parents process and cope with these fears. This can not only help you to reduce stress levels, but it can prevent your fear from clouding your ability to show your child love and support.
Finding Healthy Ways to Co-Parent
You’re not just navigating your own feelings. You’re not alone in deciding how to proceed in allowing your child to explore their gender expression. Perhaps you’ve discovered that you and your partner don’t see eye to eye, and it’s causing problems for your child and your relationship.
Parental disagreements are one of the many reasons to seek couples counseling. It gives both parents a chance to share their thoughts and feelings and develop better communication skills.
This can lead to a healthier home environment where your child does not feel pressured to “take a side.” It can also help you and your partner to center your child’s well-being when you discuss co-parenting strategies.
Learning How to Communicate With Your TNB Child
Everything we’ve described here, from grief to fear, can have an impact on the way you communicate with your child. When our emotions are impacting our behavior, we can say and do things that don’t align with our goals and beliefs.
Communicating with a child or adolescent experiencing gender dysphoria requires patience and care. As a cisgender parent, there is a lot about what they’re experiencing that you may not be able to understand. There are many times when your best choice is to listen while creating a safe environment for their exploration.
Therapy allows parents to learn about their patterns of emotional reactivity and how it impacts their communication skills. It’s also a great place to find ways to support your child’s gender expression while establishing appropriate rules and boundaries.
Learning About Gender Dysphoria Treatment Options
When you’re seeking therapy as the parent of a child with gender dysphoria, it’s in your best interest to work with someone who is sensitive to LGBTQ+ issues. Furthermore, you should find a therapist who is knowledgeable about evidence-based care for TNB people.
For some TNB youth, the social transition is enough. This can involve choosing a new name, using different pronouns, and dressing in gender-affirming styles. For others, more medical support is necessary for improved mental and physical health outcomes.
We also recommend putting your child in therapy with a similarly knowledgeable and affirming therapist. Even children with a supportive home environment need to talk about their gender dysphoria with someone who is trained, safe, and removed from the situation.
Taking Care of Yourself to Show Up for Your TNB Child
It’s natural to have complicated and even conflicting feelings about your child’s gender dysphoria. Therapy provides a supportive outlet to express and process those feelings, which in turn can help you manage things like:
- Anger or frustration
- Fear and anxiety
- Depression or the feeling of loss of control
Therapy also provides a time and space for you to focus on your side of the story. When a parent doesn’t feel heard, it’s easy to start feeling like children are making decisions out of spite or with disregard for the impact those choices have on their parents. Therapy can prevent the outcome of children trying to meet their parents’ emotional needs, particularly in times where they are vulnerable, scared, or in crisis, themselves.
Find a Mental Health Specialist Who Understands
Gender dysphoria doesn’t have to lead to worsening health outcomes. Support at home is one of the first steps toward your child’s lasting well-being. For many parents, that means working with a mental health specialist to support their own emotional needs.
At Collaborative Change Counseling, our holistic approach fosters physical, emotional, and mental wellness. Our clinicians have educational and professional experience with issues related to sexuality and gender and strive to create a non-judgmental space for LGBTQ+ youth and their families. Contact us to learn more about our individual, couples, and family counseling sessions.
